Happiness is a choice,isn't it?

                                                                                        Milan, August 2, 2020

                                                                                                                                09:25 am 

Buongiorno da Milano.

Today the sky is partilly cloudy.

I was expecting the rain... I needed some rain.

Yesterday I felt so bad, so negative, so powerless.

The rain washes everything away, pain, fears, doubts, sadness.

But it didn't. Yet.

Today I feel I need to write down my thoughts to relax, to discharge all the stress

and negative vibes I have.

I've never ended my lockdown.

Yes, of course I go out once or twice a week,

but my life is still the same:

wake up early, turn on the laptop, work, quick lunch, work, turn off the laptop, workout, eat, sleep.

Is this life?

Do you feel alive?

Yesterday I had a bad day.

I planned everything, I wanted some time for myself, I booked an afternoon at the spa.

I woke up, cleaned the house and then it happened, I broke down, I felt something was wrong with myself, I felt pain, I was bleeding.

Fortunately nothing bad, but it surely ruined my plans.

Is this life?

No planning, living day after day, without expecting anything bad to happen?

I wanna work on this.

I wanna feel alive.

But how can we ask someone else to take care of us if we cannot take care of ourselves first?

Bad days happen, I know.

Today I'm aware of it.

My question remains the same, tho:

Is happiness a choice?